Have you seen this?
By Formerly Fab | July 3, 2008
I covet this. It’s weird and it’s kinda creepy, but I really really want it.
It’s a strange wooden carving of Albert Einstein. I found it at a furniture store. It retails for about $440. Can you believe that?
I’ve been there twice. I’ve talked to the floor manager and I’ve talked to a salesperson. I told them I would pay them $50 for it. Then I raised my offer to $100.
It’s on clearance right now, and has been reduced by 25%. That is still way too much money for it. My argument is that I am the ONLY person who is ever going to walk into that store and want it.
I have offered to pay the employee the $100 directly to “look the other way”.
I have threatened to walk out with it and dare them to try and stop me.
I have suggested that they “leave it out on the dock” at night.
Nothing.
There have got to be more of these things somewhere. I can’t find it on eBay anywhere.
I am on a quest…
Topics: Uncategorized | 6 Comments »
Do you belong to a forum?
By Formerly Fab | July 3, 2008
I think most of us belong to several. I join them all the time.
I like the thought of hosting my own forum. I am not sure what it would be a forum about. Probably nonsense. That’s really my home run swing.
And at ProPHPBB I can host my own forum for free. Free Forum Hosting sounds like a good deal to me. It’s about time I’d like to engage in some sort of online activity that didn’t have a subscription fee. And they seem pretty serious about service and support. In fact, the forum guys have their own support forum.
I guess I could host a humor forum. We could debate the age old question: knock knock jokes or dead baby jokes–which are better for weddings and bar mitzvahs?
That will be my first topic.
Topics: For Your Information | 1 Comment »
My new obsession: Mob Wars
By Formerly Fab | July 2, 2008
Sigh…Every time I think I’m out, they pull me back in.
I am obsessed with Mob Wars on Facebook.
Pulling liquor store robberies, dealing drugs, buying up parts of the city, stockpiling weapons, getting into fights with other mobsters…it’s all in a day’s work for Finny Two Chins.
I have an awesome fight record. Right now it’s 108-2. You don’t want to mess with Finny Two Chins.
Next I am planning to rob some banks, if I can get my hands on some armored trucks.
Don’t bet against me.
Topics: I'm so silly | 3 Comments »
Are vacations worth it?
By Formerly Fab | July 1, 2008
Think about it.
You spend all that time saving and planning, trying to book the lowest fare flight, trying to get the best of the hotel deals, planning all sorts of activities to pack the days as full as possible…
Once you get home, aren’t you even MORE tired? How many times have you joked, or heard someone joke, “Man, I need a vacation after my vacation!’
Exactly.
Shouldn’t a vacation be a time to rest? To recharge your batteries?
You could stay home, save a ton of money, catch up on the books you always wanted to read. Sleep in. Discover what is unique about the city in which you already live.
Nah. Screw that. Off to Acapulco!
Topics: For Your Information | 5 Comments »
The best way to lose weight?
By Formerly Fab | July 1, 2008
It might be heroin, but I am not sure yet.
Some people say exercise is the key. Some say a low-fat diet. Some say a low-carb diet. Some say hoodia is the way to go. Still others say amebic dysentery is a sure fire way to drop some pounds quickly.
I think heroin sounds like the most fun, though. The government doesn’t want us to do it. That PROVES that it’s fun. The government never wants us to do anything cool like cook up a batch of delicious crystal meth up in our bathtub or drive our car off a pier to see how long it can float.
The government is a killjoy. I think a little of that crystal meth would go a long way toward loosening up some of those government officials.
Topics: For Your Information | 1 Comment »
I want a haunting!
By Formerly Fab | July 1, 2008
I have always wanted to live in a house that was haunted.
Maybe not ectoplasm on the walls blood gushing out of the kitchen faucets anguished screams keeping me up at night kind of haunted house.
I’d want the ghost to be nice ghost. Like Walter Cronkite. Or Wilford Brimley. Actually, it’s getting harder and harder to tell those two guys apart.
Maybe he could rattle a chain or two every once in a while. But not too late at night. I need my rest, after all.
Also, if he could start the coffee in the morning, that would be good. Although I don’t drink coffee.
Tea. He could start the tea.
Wait. I don’t drink tea either.
Well, I am sure I could find something for him to do.
Topics: For Your Information | 1 Comment »
Florida–where the streets are paved with gold!
By Formerly Fab | July 1, 2008
They are?
That used to be a running joke in a loan office I used to work in. We used to be amazed at the number of people who just picked up and moved to Florida with little or no plan as to where to live, how to make a living, etc.
Inevitably, those folks would come to us looking for money. Great planning!
All they think about on the way down is all the sunshine, the beach, the Orlando vacations, the lack of a state income tax…they never take into consideration the substandard school systems, the lower wages, and the hurricanes.
Ah, yes. Gotta love the hurricanes!
Topics: For Your Information | 2 Comments »
Does Stephen King write “literature?”
By Formerly Fab | July 1, 2008
I used to play a lot of trivia games online. Some of you guys may have even played in one of the same tournaments as I have.
I cringe when the category is Literature. Because I know that at least two or three of the questions are going to concern The Gunslinger series that Stephen King wrote. Is that REALLY literature? Of all the authors that have ever lived and all the books that have ever been written, doesn’t a consistent 20% to 30% representation of that series seem awfully high?
I call shenanigans, dammit.
I don’t think a book should be considered “literature” until you have to read it in school. And don’t want to. And so you buy the Cliff’s Notes for it, and you fake your way through the essay or book report.
Give me some Hemingway. Some Orwell. Some Faulker.
The Gunslinger? Come on!
Topics: Literature | 3 Comments »
Time to get a passport…
By Formerly Fab | June 24, 2008
I have the application. I just need to get around to filling it out, getting the picture taken, and sending it in.
Then I can check out the condo rentals in Rocky Point that are available. This seems like a good time to get away from it all. Why not south of the border? I’ve actually kind of always wanted to go to Mexico. Except for a week’s vacation in Puerto Rico and and quick drive int Canada, I’ve never been out of the country.
The pictures and descriptions on the Sea Side Reservations website made me get, as we say in the south, a “hankerin’” for a Mexico beach getaway.
I wouldn’t take the computer. I bet I wouldn’t even turn on the TV while I was there. Nothing but the surf, the sun, and a good book.
Oh man…where did I put that application…
Topics: For Your Information | 4 Comments »
I am so confused
By Formerly Fab | June 24, 2008
Why is it against the law to yell “Fire!” in a crowded movie theater?
No one ever talks about yelling “Fire!” in a fast food restaurant. Or a circus. Or a furniture store. Or at the DMV. Is it okay to yell it at all those places?
Can I do it at the farmer’s market?
There are plenty of exits in a theater. The rows of seats guarantee that people will leave in an orderly fashion. It’s dark, so if there really is a fire, you can easily see where it is. I think that a movie theater would be the PERFECT place to yell “fire!” Even if there isn’t one.
People need more exercise and to get their heart rate and metabolism up. I think scaring them is a good way to start.
Topics: Huh? | 9 Comments »
