Mrs. Fab’s “Tissue Issue”
A few posts ago I mentioned that toilet paper was a hot button issue for Mrs. Fab and several of you asked me to elucidate.
If history is any indication, this is the sort of post that a lot of people like to chime in on, so I am glad I am home today to keep up with the comments should that prove to be the case.
First and foremost, the only toilet paper allowed in our home is Charmin. No exceptions. NONE!
I will grant you that some paper is better than others. But I am certain that there are other high end brands as good as Charmin. But she will not under any circumstances allow any other type of bathroom tissue to cross over the threshold into this house. On this topic, according to her, there can be absolutely no debate.
It is a loyalty that borders on mental illness, I tell you. I am quite certain that if I were to come from the store with a different brand of bathroom tissue she would beat me bloody with one of those big heavy law books of hers.
Secondly, the toilet paper, once on the roll, must be placed in an “over” rather than an “under” position. It must flow over the roll. Apparently if it doesn’t, the mountains will crumble and the seas will boil and the rivers will run red with penguin blood. Or at least that’s the feeling I get when the subject comes up.
Now, I should mention that this is not an issue in our house. I prefer the roll be “over” as well. But I haven’t invested a significant portion of my life in the belief, like some people I could name.
Lastly, she is insistant that we only buy the mega rolls now. These rolls are too big to fit on our holders, at least for a while. So they have to balanced on top of the holder. On more than one occasion I have knocked the roll into the toilet. As soon as the roll even approaches the needed size, she crams it onto the holder, resulting in at least two days of me trying to unroll some paper and having it keep tearing, so I end up taking what I need square by square.
And she is obsessed obsessed obsessed obsessed obsessed with keeping a large amount on hand so that we never ever ever ever ever even come close to the risk of a possibility of on off chance that we might conceivably run out.
Mrs. Fab grew up very poor and there were six children and apparently they would run out of toilet paper and this scarred her for life. They had to use napkins or whatever else was around until her mom could get to the commissary on the naval base.
That is also the reason she says she insists on Charmin. Because the military issue toilet paper was rough and scratchy and she would watch the Charmin commercials and be overcome with envy and want. She says she would have given anything to squeeze the Charmin.
Well…squeeze away, babe.
And you people think I have issues?
Any toilet paper issues in your house?
****************************************************************************
In this day and age of shitty customer service, let me share a story with you.
Finn told me that only 21:30 of my radio show was posted in my archives. I checked it out, and sure enough, she was right. I wrote BlogTalkRadio about it.
Now, I have submitted online questions and complaints like that plenty of times. Usually I am lucky to get a reply in a few days if at all. Or I get little more than an automated reply.
Within 15 minutes, Bob Charish, the COO of BlogTalkRadio emailed me to apologize and to tell me that the entire show had been restored.
As has my faith in customer service.
So if you missed the last 10 minutes of the show, you can catch it here.
****************************************************************************
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Just a collection of samplings from the cluttered mind of someone who has managed to get into his 40's without really growing up. You won't find anything profound here. In the immortal words of Edie Brickell "Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep". Indeed. She was so wise. It's a shame she died so young. Edie, we hardly knew ye. What? She's not dead? Well, her career is.
shirley said:
on January 29, 2007 at 12:10 am
FIRRRRST!!!!
shirley said:
on January 29, 2007 at 12:13 am
Phew, yay! I never get to be first - you’re too popular.
Anyhoo, over is always necessary! I’ve been known to switch the direction of rolls while in the bathroom, mine or friends. But no brand loyalty in my household.
Michele said:
on January 29, 2007 at 12:20 am
Charmin is the best especially the mega rolls
they last longer and are all so soft on the bootay.
It’s 2ply too, i’ll never understand 1 ply as long as i
live. What sick bastard’s idea was it to make
1 ply toilet tissue.It’s absolutely ludicrous.
Katie said:
on January 29, 2007 at 12:27 am
In my house the only rule is the toilet paper MUST be soft, and at least 2 ply (I like 3 ply but 2 is fine) and white. Nothing worse than wiping your ass with sandpaper.
bluepaintred said:
on January 29, 2007 at 12:47 am
ok wait. is there a way for me to listen to the show? the whole thing? cus that would rock!!
as for the TP, its greatly amusing. I buy whatever is two ply and not pre used.
the pre used part is the really important part
Cindra said:
on January 29, 2007 at 1:02 am
I am so with the missus. Charmin, over the roll, BIG roll. Dude, submit. We know what we are doing.
Peety said:
on January 29, 2007 at 1:10 am
Personally speaking anything nice and soft works fine with me
But I insist on SOFT = NO butt bleed
Thanks for your visit and comment.
Good luck with your second week at
your new job and of course,
greetings to the Mrs. *hugs*
Nikki said:
on January 29, 2007 at 1:23 am
I can’t say a damn thing about the toilet paper thing. It MUST be over in my house…and I have enough toilet paper in the pantry and linen closets to get me through another cold war.
In total otherness….
you’ve been tagged on my blog my dear. (I know you SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOO want to french kiss me now)
Simon said:
on January 29, 2007 at 2:26 am
When two men live together toilet paper becomes less of an issue anyway.
The duvet however has been the cause of much elbow punching.
Southern Sweetheart said:
on January 29, 2007 at 2:44 am
I couldn’t agree with the Mrs. more!!! Charmin Charmin Charmin, definitely OVER the roll and I never go to the grocery store without buying toilet paper. I ran out once when I came down with a stomach virus and it was awful. TMI?
marmitetoasty said:
on January 29, 2007 at 2:52 am
We are always running out of bogroll in this house…… my lot pull the roll and just rip off huge amounts….. I mean….. how big is a bum anyways….. not that big that it takes 15 sheets (thats sheets not shits lol) at a time to do a quick wipe round………. SOOOOooooo last grocery shopping day I warned them…… I AM BUYING ONLY ONE PACKET OF BOGROLL this week, once it is gone it is gone……. use with care, and use both sides if you have to…. I will NOT be buying another packet until the next main grocery day……
Did my advise, my threats have any affect……… NO…. NO…NO….. bloody boys….. us woman would of let the consequences of me words sink in… we would of looked to the future of bogroll-less days…….
So for 2 days now we have been paperless….. (well not me :) cos I stashed a roll in me cupboard for personal use - I aint no dinlo ya know) - with cries of ‘mum there aint no bogroll’ ‘mum mum’….. so I says ‘use ya loaf and work it out, when we was kids we had to tear up the local newspaper into squares and use, you lot have had it to easy’……. so for 2 days, cos not one of them had the sense to go down the shops and treat us all to an extra bogroll….. they have been using our local WestMeon NEws…… lmfao…. HAHAHAHA I just hope the print of the local planning committee pages aint now forever imprinted on one of their bums……. :) - when I asked ‘why dont one of you go down the road and buy one’ they reply ‘cos its embarrassing to go in the shop and buy a bogroll’ ……. MMMMMmmmm condoms are no problem but a bogroll is LMFAO…… oh well…… I have me stash so Im alright jack!!!!
x
Shelli said:
on January 29, 2007 at 3:32 am
I used to be a stern Charmin user, too, and actually think it is the softest, but it is also the most dust making. I hate all that little cotton fuzz around the toilet paper holder. I am totally a over the top of the roll person myself, too. They do make toilet paper holder extenders for those super sized rolls, you know. Many a roll has ended up in the toilet at our house, too. Only it isn’t because they don’t fit on the roll, it is because, in spite of several classes on how to put the toilet paper on the holder, none of my family can manage to actually perform the task. And I get sick of being the only one, you know?
cherylann said:
on January 29, 2007 at 4:23 am
I agree with Shelli… too much toilet paper dust for me! I am, however, a staunch “over” supporter. I actually change it in every bathroom I use (it drives my ESM CRAZY). heh.
Mr. Fabulous said:
on January 29, 2007 at 5:00 am
Shirley–Way to beat the rush today! You’re an “over” girl, eh? I can dig it!
Michele–Do they even make 1 ply? I assumed it was all 2 ply…
Katie–And now you tell me there is 3 ply? Really? Where the hell have I been?
Blue–Yes, you can go to my host page and either listen to it there or download it and listen to it. Used toilet paper…must be a Canadian thing…
Cindra–Oh, I submit. I’m not stupid. I just find it interesting LOL
Peety–Thank you for your kind words, my friend. LMAO @ “butt bleed”
Nikki–You’ve tagged me? You evil French-kissing Canadian!
Simon–Hmm…Someone once explained to me what a duvet was and now I have forgotten. I will have to look it up…
Southern Sweetheart–There is no such thing as TMI on this blog, as I am sure you know. So what did you use when you ran out?
Marmy–”Bogroll”? Is that what “you people” over there call it? LOL You have a different word for everything. Wait a minute…how old are your boys? I thought they were all under 18. They shouldn’t be buying condoms. You’ll find yourself being a granny in no time! No premarital sex!
Shelli–Well sis, I don’t think the dust would be much of an issue if someone (ahem) cleaned once in a while, you know? And what the hell are you doing up in the middle of the night on a work day?
CherylAnn–And you are up too early as well! And another person worried about toilet paper dust. I really must come and visit one of these days and do a dust inspection…
Annie Drogynous said:
on January 29, 2007 at 5:49 am
Mrs. Fab is not alone. My parents will not use anything but Charmin Ultra. In the past when they’ve stayed here, they’ve requested that I have Charmin Ultra on hand as well. As for myself, I buy the cheapest brand around as long as it’s 2-ply. I’m not picky (about my tp that is, lol). However, the TP in this house MUST be in an under position. I just find it easier to remove that way.
Oh BTW, I heard you’re supposed to purchase one of those extenders to your TP roll when buying those mega rolls of Charmin.
grainne said:
on January 29, 2007 at 5:51 am
Let’s be sweet to Mrs Fab….did you know that Charmin gives away extender rollers that will accommodate those Mega Rolls so they don’t slip out of your hand and roll across the floor when you are in need?? http://www.charmin.com/en_us/pages/extender_request.shtml
What makes it even better….they will give you two of them for free!
I tend to only purchase Charmin too….giant packs of tp and paper towels from my favorite megastore…SAMS…buy paper towels and tp and there is little room in the car for anything else and you might not be able to see out of the rear view mirror. I have this fear of running out of things so the house is almost always overstocked….I think there is like 8 bottles of my shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom cabinet right now…~L~
I have never understood the over / under tp / paper towel thing…as long as the person who uses the last of it replaces it, I am happy. If they don’t replace it and are over the age of 5…the hounds of hell will dog your footsteps as they try for find out WHY you didn’t replace it with a new roll. My youngest insane cat love Charmin….it’s her favorite kind to unroll in the bathroom and pull the huge pile of it into her basket where she sleeps on it. You hurry up over to the Charmin site and order those extenders for the Mrs…..I think it’s too late to arrive for a valentines day gift but who knows? ~chuckle~
marmitetoasty said:
on January 29, 2007 at 5:57 am
:) I have 2 under 18 and 2 over 18 LOL Im well old……… and Ive told them ALL……’ keep ya bits in ya boxers’ cos I so DONT wanna be no grannie yet…… geez….. there are enoughtminded babies in this house and toddlers and nippers (13) without more….. :)
x
Denise said:
on January 29, 2007 at 6:39 am
Mrs. Fab is absolutely, positively, without a doubt, 100% correct…on all of the tissue issues. Don’t make fun of her, it’s a very serious topic that I don’t take lightly either.
BTW…Charmin makes a nice little extender to help your TP holder accommodate the mega rolls.
Rock on, Mrs. Fab!
Pud said:
on January 29, 2007 at 6:57 am
I like Quilted Northern myself. But I do agree with Mrs. Fab on the over instead of under of the tollet paper roll on the holder.
Everyone has issues…..why else do you think there are so many therapists out there?
Nanuk said:
on January 29, 2007 at 7:07 am
I’m strictly a Sears and Roebuck man myself.
CanadianSwiss said:
on January 29, 2007 at 7:45 am
I’m a Charmin and over the top of the roll girl, too. I do have to find out if the mega rolls are out in Switzerland already.
BTW, I was the one who explained the duvet to you. *whispering* You’ll find it on Wiki.
Irish Church Lady said:
on January 29, 2007 at 7:47 am
I can’t
convince Pool Boy that we need Charmin’. He goes for the cheapest. The queen is not amused.
Great, I will catch the last 10 mins when I get home from work tonight.
BTW I loved the fact that you used to walk around the house talking like Martin Sheen in Apocolypse Now to yourself. Are you cured yet?
Shelli said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:05 am
I think you know now, but I will tell you anyway. I was at the ER with Isabelle.
Shelli said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:06 am
Oh and if I cleaned more often, it would be more of an issue because it would be more visible.
Avitable said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:19 am
I thought she was going to be a nazi about only having thin, rough toilet paper or something. That’s what my parents do - they won’t buy the soft, nice stuff.
This isn’t an issue - I support Mrs. Fab 100%!
Mr. Fabulous said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:23 am
Annie–Well, well, so far you are the only “under” person…interesting. And I can understand your mom wanting charmin when they visit but if your dad does too, he is probably gay. Just so you know.
Grainne–That really would be the gift that keeps on giving, wouldn’t it? As for restocking it, I was trained on that LONG ago. I was always one for not replacing it, but in short order Mrs. Fab SET ME STRAIGHT.
Marmy–Okay, now I have another question. What is the difference between a nipper and a toddler? I thought they were the same thing…
Denise–Oh, I don’t make fun of her. And if I did I wouldn’t let on to you folks, I know you women always stick together!
Pud–A Quilted Northern girl–I never would have guessed it! It’s strange though that so many people feel so strongly about toilet paper but probably couldn’t care less about napkins or paper towels…
Nanuk–Well sure, up there in the hinterland you use whatever you can get your frostbitten hands on!
CS–I am sure they are, Switzerland has everything! *whispers* thanks, I’ll check it out…
ICL–I still like to do it once in a while. I don’t think I can be cured, sadly LOL
Shelli–I do know. It is time to get custody. And maybe a maid ROFLMAO.
Avi–What a surprise. Suck up!
teri said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:34 am
I never thought I would say this but yes, the wife does need help. She needs to come to grips with the toilet paper issue. This will destroy her life. Don’t let it destroy her life, Mr. Fab. Commit her now, while she’s still young enough to change her ways.
ChooChoo said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:52 am
I currently have a ginormous pile of toiletpaper in my house. My mums brought it. My mums buy things in bulk when they come to see me, just so that I won’t have to run out of stuff. I don’t know exactly what type of toiletpaper it is, but it’s got little, pink flowers on it…
Blogarita said:
on January 29, 2007 at 9:17 am
We never use Charmin. That stuff is bad for the plumbing. Seriously, it doesn’t disintegrate in the water as well as other brands. Ask any plumber.
We use the stuff from Sam’s Club. It’s soft enough, it’s in double-size rolls, and yeah, it goes over the top when it’s on the roller.
Noi said:
on January 29, 2007 at 9:52 am
What in the world is biff? Anyway, how much does Charmin pay you tp promote their brand at your famous blog?
Noi said:
on January 29, 2007 at 9:53 am
What in the world is biff? Anyway, how much does Charmin pay you to promote their brand at your famous blog?
Christa said:
on January 29, 2007 at 10:10 am
Nooooopes….no issues with toiletpaper in this house. We agreed a long time ago that as long as you can flush it without causing the toilet to clug, it works :) Colour’n’stuff doesn’t matter either :p
Finn said:
on January 29, 2007 at 10:26 am
It’s a chick thing, trust me. You only wipe your ass with it, we have to wipe our tender nethers with it! It’s been a huge issue in our office. Sometimes they buy the bargain brand, and there are mostly women here - it doesn’t go over well.
I prefer Charmin myself because I feel it’s softer than anything else I’ve tried. I buy the big package at Costco. Oh, and they have an extender for that mega roll. I have one I can send you if you’d like.
As long as the roll is on the holder, I’m happy. Yes, it’s easier to grab some when it goes over the top, but I really don’t have time to check which way the paper’s going and then fix it if it’s wrong.
Mr. Fabulous said:
on January 29, 2007 at 10:36 am
Teri–You know…she’s not going to go easily…
ChooChoo–They make it with flowers on it? I didn’t know that. See what I have been missing?
Blogarita–Really? That seems unlikely. Really?
Noi–Now THAT is a good idea! I totally should have made them pay me for this post!
Christa–You’re so low maintenance! Well, on this topic anyway LOL
Finn–Oh please, when is the last time your nethers have been tender? LOL I think we have extenders but they are one of those things that only Mrs. Fab knows the location to…
Mistress Yoda said:
on January 29, 2007 at 10:41 am
Funny, my mom refuses to buy Charmin ever and always has refused because of the “Squeeze the Charmin” commercials. Those commercials scarred her and even stranger I’ve continued the tradition.
I have no real particular toilet paper issues but I’m sure I have other things that will throw me into a rage as well.
Finn said:
on January 29, 2007 at 11:42 am
So what are you implying? And how would you know anyway?
Rhea said:
on January 29, 2007 at 11:47 am
When you explain her background, the TP thing makes perfect sense. No matter who you are , that ‘over’ and ‘under’ thing can be deadly.
Michele said:
on January 29, 2007 at 11:54 am
Of course they make 1 ply without being to
graphic i had an incident with it.
It was horrible i tell you.
I bet 1 ply is responsible for the
Ecoli outbreaks.
Thank you for bringing the issue of
toilet tissue to the forefront.
We must have resolution NOW!
Catch said:
on January 29, 2007 at 11:56 am
I use Scotts…no matter what! Simply b/c it last longer! Just like the commercial says. And I only buy the mega rolls too. And like Mrs Fab, I always stock up…who wants to run out of toilet paper? We always have buku rolls of toilet paper and paper towels.
speckledpup said:
on January 29, 2007 at 12:20 pm
okay, I have been at other people’s homes and had to take the t.p. off the roller and turn it around to the proper “over” direction. and then I always tell them that I did this….
yeah, I never get invited back.
And at the pup’s house, it’s northern or nothing at all.
And nothing at all…well that’s just gross.
Kisses.
Da Pup.
Lynda said:
on January 29, 2007 at 12:26 pm
1) Likes Charmin (We also go with Quilted Northern, but to each their own)
2) Prefers over to under.
3) I think the only rolls you can buy now a day is the Mega rolls. And you probably should be using less anyway. How many sheets do you need? Use both sides, man!
No, I think Mrs. Fab is perfect. I totally agree with her. Maybe YOU have the issues.
Lynda said:
on January 29, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Oh, and I listened at 8ET and it stopped at 21 minutes but I thought they were still archiving. Hooray! I can listen today at work through the headsets.
Big Mama said:
on January 29, 2007 at 12:47 pm
I am totally with the Mrs. Charmin, over and Mega! She rules, face it and submit. My hubby after 15 years doesn’t even make mention of it any more, it is what it is…
Marlee said:
on January 29, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Up and over and no Charmin please!! I am with Blogarite on this one. It’s horrible on the plumbing!! Clogs and I truly hate mopping after a #2 job. Kitty brand is good enough. What else are kitties good for?
Georgianblue said:
on January 29, 2007 at 12:57 pm
I am totally with Mrs. Fab on this one, although in my house it is Cotonelle, not Charmin. This is a very sensitive area we are talking about here, literally and figuratively.
I can also relate to the no toilet paper issue. I can recall being dirt poor when I had my first apartment, and not being able to afford toilet paper, even having to resort to stealing it from my work. This is something I recall as one of the lowest points in my life.
Over….not under, I am with her all the way.
Mr. Fabulous said:
on January 29, 2007 at 1:01 pm
Big Mama–Oh, I submit! I ain’t no dummy!
Lynda–Me? I think it has been well documented that I have plenty of issues! Glad you will get the chance to catch the rest of it!
Pup–Damn girl, I have missed you more than you know! Nothing at all…yeah…that’s a road better not traveled down…
Catch–So if there is ever a worldwide shortage I can come live with you?
Michele–Well you know me, I am not afraid to tackle the tough issues!
Rhea–I am learning that, although so far only one person has indicated a preference for “under”.
Mistress Yoda–Oh yes, I think you probably have several such issues. I think we’ve only scratched the surface with you LOL
Finn–I hear things. I am very well connected, you know.
Marlee–Now I am picturing people wiping themselves with kitties. This means another trip to the therapist…
Georgianblue–Well, you have come a long way! Thanks for weighing in today!
Katherine said:
on January 29, 2007 at 1:01 pm
Yep, have to agree with the Mrs. on all counts. TP must go OVER not under. Under is extremely annoying and although I don’t change it to over in other peoples’ houses, I certainly think about it. And curse them for being so stupid and careless. I know there is such a thing as generic tp which gives me the willies - ICK. If there is one thing you cannot skimp on, it’s good 3 ply TP!! Go Mrs. Fab!
Mistress Yoda said:
on January 29, 2007 at 1:22 pm
I don’t even want to think about it…I haven’t even hit 30 yet.
MsDemmie said:
on January 29, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Top the range own brand here - dont do quilted, dont do one ply and dont touch Izaz or that harsh *medicated* stuff - and it has to be white - and is bottom loaded not top loaded - neah I dont have tissue issues!
We have a toilet paper monster in this house who eats it ……….. anyone oen would think they flush it down the pan !
curiositykiller said:
on January 29, 2007 at 1:37 pm
When I lived on my own, Charmin all the way, but if I have to share… they better be sharing the costs and all… but at least my family understand. So we don’t have a TP problem. Now if we’re talking about which direction the paper roll goes on so the paper comes out from top OR from bottom… we’ll talking serious feud.
Tisha said:
on January 29, 2007 at 1:40 pm
can spanky and I “borrow” some of your charmin toilet paper?
Liz said:
on January 29, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I have to agree with Ms. Fab. I’m insistent on the over the roll position of the toilet paper. I only use Charmin. I love the mega rolls, but you need the special insert to make them work (check out the Charmin website because I got 2 free). I also have tons of TP stocked up. When it gets just a bit low (I still have a dozen rolls), I buy more. I grew up in a Charmin house and with “over” the roll. Nothing worse than scratchy toilet paper that gives you paper cuts. They just don’t heal very quickly.
Slick said:
on January 29, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Ha…none here. Of course, Trish does like to stock up. When I was living by myself, I never had more than 2 rolls stored up.
Women are weird.
Kim said:
on January 29, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I agree with Mrs Fab that it has to be Charmin, but in my house it has to be under, as that is what keeps the cats from unwinding it. Although, now that my cat died, it doesn’t matter, but I am a creature of habit after 10 years of loading it that way!
I don’t get the MEGA rolls because I don’t want to add the extender and the toilet paper has to be on the roller, not sitting on the counter. It bugs me if someone is too lazy to refill the toilet paper holder.
Jade said:
on January 29, 2007 at 2:45 pm
i live with two guys–the only toilet paper issue we have is making sure you put a new roll in the damn bathroom when you finish the old one.
other than that, as long as it isn’t shredding my bum, i really don’t care.
kleenex is a whole different story though ;)
Lynda said:
on January 29, 2007 at 2:51 pm
And keep your issues and Mrs. Fab sainthood in mind….
Mr. Fabulous said:
on January 29, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Jade–Uh, yes, I would have to agree that bum shredding is something that we should all try to stay away from! :)
Kim–Hmm…only the second “under” person today. You, my friend, are a rebel, plain and simple!
Slick–They are, but I think that overall we are better off with them than without them…
Liz–So a dozen rolls equals “running low” for you? Hmm…you are an interesting person, my friend :)
Tisha–Spanky? Is he over there? Is that where he went? You need to send him back, he has to draw my bath…
CKiller–Well I am glad that peace reigns in your home, at least where toilet paper is concerned…
Ms.Demmie–Ooh, another “bottom”. That’s only three. You folks are a rare breed indeed! Weirdos. LOL
Mistress Yoda–By the time you are my age you will be as far gone as I am…
Katherine–Well, I think you take the prize for the biggest suck-up to Mrs. Fab today LOL
Lynda–I always do, my friend, I always do!
Michele said:
on January 29, 2007 at 3:08 pm
The rules of the bathroom.
1.It has to be over,under is so old school.
2.Replace the roll when it’s at the end.
3.If you do something serious,i think it’s
called #2 spray air freshener,burn incense
do something,for crying out loud.
I don’t shit so i don’t have that problem.
katcampbell said:
on January 29, 2007 at 3:12 pm
There are other kinds of toilet paper besides charmin?
Mistress Yoda said:
on January 29, 2007 at 3:18 pm
I am frightened.
Jade said:
on January 29, 2007 at 3:26 pm
ya know, i actually used to work in a restaurant that required tp to be placed in the Under position. supposedly people use less that way. we were regularly scolded at meetings for not placing the tp incorrectly, ’cause, ya know, crappy tp is soooo expensive.
Violet said:
on January 29, 2007 at 3:42 pm
i totally understand the need for a certain type of toilet paper. i’m that way, not only with toilet paper, but also kleenex and paper towels.
i love the concept of the mega-roll, but if it wasn’t able to fit on my toilet paper holder immediately, i would have to go back to the regular sized rolls. i always end up knocking the rolls that are balanced on top of the holder onto the floor, then they unroll across the bathroom, and that pisses me right off.
CP said:
on January 29, 2007 at 4:06 pm
My husband mouth is my bidet.
I got it like that
CP.
debkitty said:
on January 29, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Well I must admit that I am a wee bit obsessive about toilet paper myself. I agree that it must come OVER the top, I agree so much that if I am anywhere where it comes from under I must take the roll off and put it on right before I can dispense tissue to wipe myself. I am a freak.
Mr. Fabulous said:
on January 29, 2007 at 5:10 pm
CP–He is the only man I would ever change places with…
DebKitty–Wow…Well, it is those little quirks of you that make you so lovable!
Violet–I have this image of you chasing the roll around the house and it makes me giggle…
Jade–Really? Wow…that is really petty. I bet the food sucked LOL
Kat–Thank you! The voice of reason!
Mistress Yoda–Well, I’ve learned to live with it and adapt. You will as well, I am sure :)
Michele–Those are a lot of rules. I hope they are posted.
Michele said:
on January 29, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I am so anal about this subject.
If i visit your home and your roll
is flowing under,i’m not only
going to right that wrong,
i’m looking in your medicine cabinet.
Because you’re on something.
Linda said:
on January 29, 2007 at 5:48 pm
OMG Fab, I am married to your wife!!! Every single thing you said, including the hoarding is MY husband. And just this morning I had experience with my first Mega Roll in PD’s bathroom. And just like you said it keeps tearing. I was cussing too.
I wondered why your show ended so abruptly, I thought maybe there was a reindeer riot or something… I’ll catch the ending now.
Hi ~d! :-)
Orange-X said:
on January 29, 2007 at 6:23 pm
Mr. Fab, I didn’t read entirely through this post but I must admit you choose the right toilet paper. CS and I love the Charmin’ as well. Simply the best!
I don’t care about any freaky things regarding toilet paper, but you it simply can’t beaten… Have a good s**t and feel the softness on your bottom :-)
Lori said:
on January 29, 2007 at 6:51 pm
What I want to know is what happens if the roll *accidently* falls in the toliet?
Nobody said:
on January 29, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Yes, the paper MUST come over the top of the roll.
Fantastagirl said:
on January 29, 2007 at 7:32 pm
You can get an extender for the oversized roll and then it will fit on the holder - look near the TP in the store.
I don’t care if it is over or under just as long as it is on the roll.
Zed said:
on January 29, 2007 at 7:47 pm
Toilet paper must ALWAYS be rolled OVER, from the top, so you can see how much you’re taking. Rolling it UNDER makes it difficult to judge the amount of paper being torn. This is a “science” that you obviously did not study in your undergraduate studies, Mr. Fab.
As for Charmin, it’s wonderful, but in my highrise, we’re only allowed to use the cheap, thin, rough-as-overstarched-cloth toilet paper. My butt hurts all the time. Might explain my crankiness.
Mr. Fabulous said:
on January 29, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Zed–Are you really told you can’t use certain kinds of toilet paper? This is America!
Michele–The last visitor who opened up my medicine cabinet spilled marbles all over the floor…
Orange-X–Thanks for weighing in, big guy. You’re the man!
Nobody–Yes! Stand with me, my proud brother!
Fantastagirl–Over! Always over! LOL
Lori–It gets thrown away LOL. Life is too short to dry out toilet paper!
Linda–Wow…that is freaky! LOL Maybe they are related…
Michele said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:10 pm
Oh i’m hip to that,i’ll just say i was looking for an asprin.
This post reminds me of the post you did some
time ago about poop. You my friend are what
is known in the medical world as,ACD
Anal Compulsive Disorder.
Always thinking about a bunch of shit!
Stu said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Over the top. The type you buy is also very important. I always make sure I buy the ones without the wood chips. Remember when you were in first grade and you got that really bad writing paper with the woodchips embeded? Made it tough to write, right? Think how that would feel on your ass, or your nethers.
Crunchy Rayne said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:19 pm
I am so with Mrs. Fab on the toilet tissue issue. It HAS to be Charmin, it HAS to go over the roll, and it HAS to be mega roll, however when we started buying it it came with an extender thingee so you could put it in your regular toilet tissue holder. We were very poor when growing up also and sometimes we would end up with toilet tissue that actually had little wood chips in it.
I also keep a few big packages in the closet at all times. Never know when crisis might strike and the stores stop stocking it.
I think I can go one better than Mrs. Fab, I actually keep a travel roll of Charmin in my purse in case I hit a public bathroom with no toilet tissue or with sub-grade toilet tissue.
Queenie said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Ok first of all, it is obvious that Mrs Fab has a totally “sensitive side”. Let her have her TP fetish.
Secondly, The radio show, I am ashamed to admit that I missed the first time. I would have certainly called in and harrassed/stalked you during the show.
I did just set here and listen via your link. I am on my couch, alone. I think I pissed myself. It is too cold to move the blanket and check for sure. I am glad that I have that autographed pic hanging above my desk Fab. You are a natural and will certainly be the envy of Stern’s fans soon.
I am off to whore you out on my blog now. I know how much you love that.
Mist 1 said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:34 pm
I am afraid of toilet paper with lint.
Barbara said:
on January 29, 2007 at 8:39 pm
It does seem like she has lost all perspective when it comes to toilet paper. As long as this doesn’t spill over into major areas of life, I would just live with it.
Veronika said:
on January 29, 2007 at 9:13 pm
Oh, Fab! You poor thing. The roll goes UNDER, honey! It’s okay, I can recommend a good therapist for your wife.
In my house, it’s Cottenelle triple with ripples. You know, the one with the cute little golden retriever on it? I’m one of those who will go to your house and change the roll to go the right way, too…Oh, nevermind. I’m making an appointment with that therapist for myself.
Tug said:
on January 29, 2007 at 9:13 pm
Why weren’t you at work today?? It’s not a holiday…
Charmin ROCKS, but I don’t buy the big rolls because, ummm, they don’t FIT. And I’m NOT buying an extender. But I put it under-rolled…& mess with people by switching theirs, too.
Veronika said:
on January 29, 2007 at 9:19 pm
Ohhh, Tug! You’re my new friend. Hey, we can go together and change all the rolls to UNDER. I’ll meet you at midnight and we can start in my neighborhood!
Michele said:
on January 29, 2007 at 9:27 pm
Veronika & Tug,
Don’t even try it.
Us overs are a lot smarter than you unders.
snavy said:
on January 29, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Cottonelle — double ply — ONLY!!!!
Mr. Fabulous said:
on January 29, 2007 at 9:39 pm
Michele–You tell ‘em girl!
Veronika–Cottonelle triple with ripples? That almost sounds dirty LOL. There are little pictures of dogs on the paper? And Under? Oh, no…say it ain’t so…
Tug–Eh tu, Tug? You? An under? My illusions are shattered….and I am off on Mondays LOL
Veronika–Don’t be causing trouble in the neighborhood! LOL
Barbara–I will keep a close eye on her LOL
Mist–Gosh, and you seem so well adjusted in every other way!
Queenie–I am honored that you peed yourself. And if it’s that cold, then it might freeze and you’ll have a lovely little keepsake!
Rayne–I just asked Mrs. Fab if she wants a travel roll and she says she’s not that obsessed, so congrats, you are just a teenier bit more off than she is :)
Stu–You and Rayne with your woodchips. Is there really woodchips in some toilet paper?
Snavy–Wow…you’re a toilet paper Nazi! LOL
Michele said:
on January 29, 2007 at 10:02 pm
Here’s a tip if you ever run out of toilet tissue.
You can use the phone book,it’s bio-degradable
and the white pages are better than the yellow
pages.
I heard it’s a little ruff on the bum,but it
gets the job done.
This has been a PD public announcement.
Tug said:
on January 29, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Wow, nice work life, getting off on Mondays & all. At least they let you do that from home - phew.
I’m an under for TP, the rest? Depends on the mood.
It's Me... Maven said:
on January 29, 2007 at 11:04 pm
No charmin in this house… it’s responsible for dingleberries!!
~ Stacy ~ said:
on January 29, 2007 at 11:05 pm
At first glance, the anti-spam word read as “poop”; however, upon closer inspection it was fizzled down to “pop”. ‘Course, some may call it ’soda’.
Where the hell am I?
Oh yeah. Toilet paper issues.
Absolutely, positively, no Charmin is allowed in my home. Why? Because the darn stuff makes me itch. I prefer Northern double-rolls, but anything under $5 that’s not sandpaper is great too. The double rolls actually fit on my holders.
Oh, and I’m an “over” too. ‘Under’ drives me absolutely wiggy. When I’m at an ‘under’s’ home, I find it incredibly difficult to fight the urge to flip their roll.
Maybe ‘urge’ wasn’t the best choice of words to use there. Ah well, I couldn’t stop. I was on a roll…
[gack!] (Somebody shoot me!)
marty said:
on January 30, 2007 at 12:15 am
Should I put Mrs. Fab down on the www.toiletpaperworld.com mailing list?
I think they have Valentine’s Day gift rolls.
Tisha said:
on January 30, 2007 at 4:30 am
anti-spam word: POP
Spanky Pop, says he prefers drawing me a bath, doesn’t surprise me really
Annie Drogynous said:
on January 30, 2007 at 5:49 am
Well Fab, I don’t think my parents have had sex in years so perhaps you’re right about my dad being gay, lol.
Mr. Fabulous said:
on January 30, 2007 at 5:50 am
Tisha–Fine! Keep him! See if I care!
Marty–Are you working part time for them? LOL
Stacy–No, no, I think you are fine. Perhaps we just need to tweak your medication a tad…
Maven–That’s a dirty dirty lie!
Tug–Your mood? Your mood ebbs and flows like the tide LOL
Michele–But then you end up having to call 411 for all your numbers
Christa said:
on January 30, 2007 at 8:18 am
Yawp…low maintenance…that’s my second name :grin:
Stu Mark said:
on January 30, 2007 at 11:51 am
I have the same Over/Under issue with my betrothed. She’s an Over also, and doesn’t want to debate about it. Me, I like Under, because the weight of the roll gives you a greater chance at a clean tear.
As for the paper, we buy Cottenelle with Aloe. Please, tell Mrs. Fab that she really doesn’t know what she’s missing. Aloe in TP, Aloe in our tissues, Aloe should be in Tinactin
blueyes said:
on January 30, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Okay I’m sure this was mentioned but if not I’m gonna say it anyways cuz I don’t have time to read all 95 comments, they have larger TP holders for the Charmin mega roll. It came with the package when it first came out and if you missed it you can get it from the website for free I believe. It’s written on the package, try reading that one time. As for my household, Charmin ONLY, no exceptions. Over ONLY, no exceptions which actually was born out of necessity due to the cat grabbing it if it was placed under and trapse it through the house in her mouth.
Tisha said:
on January 30, 2007 at 4:54 pm
wanna join us in the bath? ^.^
Mr. Fabulous said:
on January 30, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Tisha–You know I do!
Blueyes–You know a lot about toilet paper. Will you be my mentor?
Stu–I don’t think I can get her to switch, my man, although aloe is always a good thing…
Christa–Really? Mine is…I can’t tell you..
phil said:
on January 30, 2007 at 8:53 pm
It is amazing what things scarr us as kids and what doesnt. I grew up poor too but all it did was make me more of a maguiver kinda of guy. I can heat up a can of soup on a cars carborator!
And yes I have whiped my ass with tissues, newspaper and even cut off my boxers in a publik restroom to get a good whipe. I did not put them back on though, I did throw them out.
Michele said:
on January 30, 2007 at 11:52 pm
# 100 why did i climb that mountain
cause it was there.
Mr. Fabulous said:
on January 31, 2007 at 5:41 am
Phil–You must always check for the paper first, my friend, in those public restrooms…
Michele–Word!
SwanShadow said:
on January 31, 2007 at 6:46 pm
What Mrs. Fab doesn’t want you to know is that she’s got a mad crush on Mr. Whipple.