I had a lot I was going to write here, but…fuck it.

If you’re new to this trainwreck, take a look through the archives. I used to be pretty funny.

I am going on out my own terms.

I’ve seen the terms “quitting” and “cowardly” mentioned in the comments. Wrong-O. I am not running away from anything. I am taking this opportunity to go on hiatus for many reasons. Among them:

1. I thought it might be a good idea to take some time and work on my marriage. Hmm? Hmmm?

2. I need to be less of a couch potato, and get in some kind of reasonable shape. I have been hearing rumors about something called “outdoors”. I plan to look into that.

3. I need to work out the logistics of nearly everything I own, including important papers, medical records, financial stuff, etc. still being up in Kentucky.

4. I need to get a job. Money is good. My actions have set us way back. I hear you can exchange money for goods and services. I like goods and services.

5. Remember the book? I would REALLY like to FINALLY polish it up and look for an agent. THAT will be my creative outlet for a while, until it is done.

6. I need time to deal with a load of guilt so massive that I am thinking about naming it.

I’ll be back with another humor blog. A smaller one.

Okay, now THIS has been the second to last post.

I have dibs on whatever taco salad Dave2 doesn’t finish.

Editor’s Note: Oh, and for the record? For those of you who think they are owed a complete explanation from me? Even though no explanation would satisfy you, and you would inevitably fall back on “Well, you shouldn’t have started down this path in the first place”?

Yeah. Suck my cock.

Editor’s Note 2: Thank you to all the kind souls who have emailed and facebooked and Twittered me with words of love, comfort, and support. I promise I will get back to all of you, but it may take a few days.

The villagers have assembled with pitchforks and torches. Can’t say as I blame them.

I’ve been doing a little reading. Harsh stuff. I deserve every bit of it, though.

Many people expressed unhappiness that the comments to the previous post were closed. The comments to this post are not. Want to take your pound of flesh? Go for it. Don’t say it on your blog, or on the radio, or couch it in subtle terms. Tell me to my face (kinda).

I won’t be answering the comments. Nor will I be providing any explanations. I don’t owe you any explanations. These events, regardless of how they have been played out prior to this, involve three people. And you are not one of them.

There will probably be one final post down the line, and then I’ll close this blog down for good. I had a good run, made some people laugh, I hope. I was bound to fuck it up eventually. I always do.

Batter up!

Hi, Shelli here. Fab is going to be away for several days. I know he said that this blog would be taking a break, but he is actually physically going to be away. He said that it means no computer and no cell phone. He wanted me to let you know. Please keep him in your thoughts and/or prayers. I will be.

I’m taking a break. From the blog and the radio show. I haven’t had time yet to notify my upcoming co-hosts, so if they are reading this before I get a chance to tell them, I apologize.

I am back in Gainesville. And I am back with Mrs. Fab. And we are taking some time.

I expect that when this blog resurfaces, if it does, it will be different. I am not going to be putting as much energy into blogging or radio anymore. Instead, I am going to focus on my home life and my writing.

I know this seems like a drastic change, after several other drastic changes. There have been tongues wagging all over the internet, I say, let them wag!

Fab, signing off for now. I’ll still be around to your blogs. I won’t be a stranger. You can’t get rid of me that easily.

I probably won’t be responding to comments on this post. If I was smarter, I would know how to close comments. But we all know that I’m not.

What? I can’t spend every waking moment organizing the new house.

I need some me time.

I know the picture is a little blurry. Give me a break. I have no experience as a wartime photographer.

Katie rocked Pointless Drivel Live tonight!

She was a good sport, too. I was kinda wired from a full week of organizing, shopping, decorating, unpacking, yardwork…I was a little spazzy.

We learned that her favorite movie is Heathers (yes!), she wishes she had been old enough to enjoy the 80’s (big hair!), and she wants to be Mrs. Brad Pitt (who doesn’t).

Also, I may have a shot with her mom. Her mom called in. I think I made a good impression on her.

Oh, and she and her mom both may be willing to get my face tattooed on their shoulders as long as I pay for it. Oh, and I would need to buy Katie a go cart, too.

Oh, and Katie is saving up her money to start training for the roller derby. How cool is THAT?

Props to Turnbaby and Howard, who called in. Howard, sorry about the lack of spelunking Goodbers, dude.

Oh, and we learned that Helen Reddy RAWKS and her shows have the BEST mosh pits.

Also, Blog Talk Radio is trying to keep me down because I am black.

We love Katie from Kat Scratch Fever. Like most 22 year girls, she mostly listens to bands I never heard of (Lacuna Coil?), engages in activites I have no energy for (kickboxing?), wears clothing I would never wear (emo hats?), and probably doesn’t understand most of my pop culture references, as she was born after the majority of them happened.

Aside from that, and the fact that I am old enough to be her father, we could be twins!

Katie is awesome, a total ride or die chick. I think she was hungover the last time she was on. Being one of those crazy young ‘uns, perhaps tonight she will be flying high on the PCP that all kids are taking these days!

Let’s hope she brought enough for everybody.

You can listen to the show, check out the archived shows, subscribe to the show (they’ll send a reminder before the show starts), or tell me to stop hitting on girls half my age right here.

The direct link to tonight’s show is HERE.

Look at this upcoming lineup. Look at it!

June 15 Robin from The Road Less Unraveled (the show before she gets married! SQUEEEEEE!)
June 22 Gwen from Kill the Body and the Head Will Die
June 29 Hoosier Girl from The Coffee Table
July 6 Queenie from Queenie’s Place
July 13 Big Honkin’ Duet Show 3–starts on Pointless Drivel Live, concludes on Turnbaby Talks!
July 20 Angry African from Angry African on the Loose
July 27 Chelle from The Absurdist

Why no scheduled guest hosts in August? Format change, baby!

Right after my show is the always fabulous Turnbaby Talks. Turnbaby will be discussing relationship rules and the 2.5 hours douche commercial that is the Sex and the City movie.

Prior to my show, check out these tasty peeps:

5:00 PM Secondhand Radio: Karl is joined by Hellohahanarf. Bet she’s not sober.

6:00 PM Snackie Radio: Hilly is joined by my sister Shelli. Shelli and I used to bathe together.